you are MYLOSTCAUSE

chocolates

2005-07-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to talk about today really. But my Bobo asked me to update so I'm just bullcrapping to entertain his thoughts.

Chocolates. Are they really mood-lifters? Can they really alter a person's mood just by consumption?

The addictive craving for chocolate may be due, in part, to the mood-altering power of several of its components, one of which is phenylethylamine. This substance selectively raises tryptophan uptake in the brain, and higher levels of tryptophan elevate brain petrochemicals associated with pleasure. It is suspected of being the chemical mediator of the "falling in love" feeling, which may explain chocolate's alleged aphrodisiac qualities. Other chemicals found in chocolate have the ability to mimic the psychoactive effects of marijuana, producing euphoria and a heightened sensitivity. However, it is not known if these chemicals exist in high enough amounts in chocolate to produce such effects. & blardy blardy bla bla from here.

So yeah. Chocolates don't work. I actually bought Alipo Kinder Bueno to cheer him up. But it DOESN'T WORK!!! Even if it did it was only for a short while. Damn. I hope at least it filled his stomach abit. Hung out with Alip and his friends (Ken, Faisal and who??) while waiting for Taufik to finish his test. From the library to the canteen to the convention centre. How fun going through Friendster profiles and rating girls on a scale of 1 to 10. How fun. Heh.

whahahfunnydey

2005-07-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

"As the clock goes tick tock, now I'm left with my hot dawg." - Freak

WAHAHAHAH. That line never fails to crack me up everytime I see it in Taufik's MSN Messenger display name. WAHAHAHAHAH. "Hot Dawg" referring to yours truly and whole statement referring to the drifting apart of Club 7 (HAH!) as the days pass. Club 7 includes myself, Taufik, Farah, Yusri, Faiz, Zaini and Naza. It's quite sad actually. But the line is so funny I can't help it. First time I read it, I actually laughed a good few minutes. HAHA.

Don't say I'm a crazy stalker, I'm just falling like a plane that's crashing but never hits the ground. OH SO EMO! BAHHHH.

Just wondering, am I not approachable? Does my face scream GO AWAY? Hmmm...

& just so you know, you are loved Bobo. At least I do! So, happyhappy k?

youwannanoewhy

2005-07-03T22:51:00.000+08:00

You wanna know why I love Mr. Freak so much??

BECAUSE HE GOT ME MY MR. RAP-RHYMING'S EMAIL ADDRESS!!!
...in front of a vending machine???

Woohooooooooo. BUT....

I may have gotten a way to contact him...
But I sure haven't got any guts to ADD him.

Taufik might be thinking WHAT A WASTE OF EFFORT. But don't worry, I promise I will not let you down!!! Hurhur.

& i got to be in the same LT (as in snaps below) as RR (shall call him that now) on Friday. Heaven~ I'm in heaven~ lalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaa. iGilaIknow.

No Youth Day for me tomorrow! Hohummm~

2005-07-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

2005-07-03T22:48:00.000+08:00

BLUR!

2005-07-03T22:47:00.000+08:00

Hurhur. Redundant photos, I know. You can't even see his face!!! But just for keepsakes. <3

existential

2005-07-02T01:07:00.000+08:00

My condolences to the family of Hazril.

He was this guy from secondary school.

He passed away yesterday.

+++

I so don't understand Muhd Faiz Bin Ramdan.

But I sooo love Mr. Taufik.

Will tell you why soon.

Now it's off to bed!

2005-06-30T22:22:00.001+08:00

Unstoppable, aspiration blazes ahead.

2005-06-30T22:22:00.000+08:00

Dance away with time,
All emotions defined.
Eyes gleaming with light,
Moves soaring to heights.

2005-06-26T23:07:00.001+08:00

LALALALA

2005-06-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

Her take on PeppCheeks

2005-06-26T23:06:00.001+08:00

WALK Hommmmme

2005-06-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

Goddamnit. Eyes-so-small.

nosenseofdirection

2005-06-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

DO NOT TRUST GUYS WITH DIRECTIONS.
THEY HAVE NO SENSE OF IT.

At least our boys don't.
TAUFIK GOT US ON THE WRONG BUS TODAY!!!
Tsk Tsk Tsk.
Hurhur.

photoupdateagainlar

2005-06-23T21:45:00.000+08:00

Yeah, got the photos of yesterday (hover for captions)...

I had drawing today. Did a portrait of what's supposed to be Farah.

How? Can?

PS: Happy Birthday, Naza.

THAT's ALL PEEPS!

happybdayfreak

2005-06-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

It's Mister Freak-Pancakeboy-Taufik's birthday today. We did something special for him. I'm so happy he's happy. That's what friends are for uh? I, the project manager. & Farah the most reliable co-ordinator a project manager can get. AHAHAHA. Too lazy to blab on the details. You just have to know I'm the greatest best friend you could ever have. HAHAHAHA. Honest. Right? Will show you photos if the birthday boy is willing to send me them. Loveya FIK!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! & HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY to Hanafi too! & an advanced one to NAZA eventho he doesn't seem to be in the mood. HAIYAH.

Yeah... too many tags, too little space:

Jehan; yes babe. coolios ay?
Alip0; ahahahar ya lar everything me mah... hmmph
Farah; yalar... nobody want Taufik & I anymore mahh... ):
BUNNIE; YES your v welcome dear <3
juNi; ahahar i know you. you're the one who keeps pressing on my class windows. hurhur. will link you up aight.
Faiiizah; Heard from Farah it ends 10th July? QUICK! SHOPPING TIME!

chucks

2005-06-21T09:36:00.000+08:00

It kinda saddens me to know everyone's going through the same thing. & i'm the one bitching about it. ): Thanks guys. I appreciate your comments. Nemind, we go through this stage together, yes? On to happy things:

I might be doing my own black chucks. Alip, Rain, Taufik & I went to Queensway SC yesterday after school. Just to search for a simple B&W TRUCKER (ok Pancakeboy, MESH also can?) cap. Haiyah. Walk around the shops there, many selling band tees (ALIPO's faves, HAHAHA), quite nice ones too. It was fun tho' being around them. Noisy bunch. Yeah, we were walking around and Taufik spotted this tattoo shop which has this on display:

I think they used the ink on this pair.

Ok I photoshopped it. So when it's black it looks like this:

AHAH. Source of Inspiration. But I want checkers. Lots of checkers. I know I suck. But I have a fascination with checkers. So sue me. Photo courtesy of Mr. Taufik's new Nokia HP (idontrememberthemodel).

Yes, stuff to get before the GSS is over:

Black bermudas
Black/Green peasant skirt (to go for ankle or knee, uh?)
White Fabric Marker? (what do you use to draw on those canvas chucks?)
Tees
White Racerback
Polka Shirt
Dresses
But first, I must get the $$$

I went on an SMS spree yesterday morning to the people I know that have just started school i.e. Azni, Hanafi, Azura, Hidayah and who else uh? YEAH. Hope you guys survived first day in ITE. I saw people like Firdaus, Yunos, Fadhil and thisguycantremembername going to school in the same 963 bus. I guess I'll be seeing more of them now...

Change.

2005-06-18T16:08:00.000+08:00

Okay, this is going to be a long one... So prepare yourselves.

Breathe in.

So you know how your life changes by the minute without you being aware. Dum dee dum and suddenly that, possibly big change, hits you right in the face. And you're caught off guard. You'd certainly fall. Because you know you can't turn back the clock and prevent that change from happening right. If it's a good surprise, then you'd fall gracefully and there's someone there to catch you. In my case, it's a heartbreaking change and I fall right through the ground. Six feet under.

I felt like dying right there at that very moment.

Today my dad had to pass of sarcasm at the dinner table (it was lunch). He said, translated, "Now she's in poly, she doesn't talk to us anymore. Is it the stress?" And my mum had to add: "Ya, probably she's more stressed now she's in poly." I sensed the sarcasm of course.

I kept quiet. I didn't want to reply. Because I didn't know what to say. I wasn't in the mood to talk. I'm having this splitting headache and I feel like I'm going to be sick. & you know how your sensitivity increases when you're feeling under the weather. & you know how emotional you can get. Well, those words my parents said hit me right there in my blood-pumping heart. Seconds later, tears welled up in my eyes and they fell drop by drop. I wasn't sobbing. But still, I kept quiet. My father left the table.

I reached over to the tissue box to grab a tissue and my mum did the same thing at the same time. I looked at her. Her eyes were red.

"What's wrong? See, now both mother and daughter are crying."
I let out a chuckle at the most inappropriate of times.
"What's wrong? Do you have any problems? Tell me if you have problems."
I shook my head. I didn't think I had any issues.
"These days, I think you've changed. You don't talk to me anymore. You don't say goodnight. You don't kiss me. Why do you do this to me?"
More tears came out. I think my mum thinks I've sinned because she said: "You know I still love you no matter what you did/do."

But no, I don't have any pressuring problems. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't have sex. School is fine. Friends are good. I have absolutely no love life but I'm still okay. Low on cash perhaps, but I know the situation. So what is the problem?

In the mornings I go to school leaving my mum and bro. Dad has gone to work. Everyday after school I come home to an empty house. Dad is at work. Mum is at work. Bro is either at work or out. I have dinner alone. I watch tv alone. I use the PC prolly to chat with friends or to do schoolwork. Dad comes home, has his dinner and leaves the house to fetch mum. Back to being alone. Mum and Dad reaches home. Bro is usually not home till late. I'm still on the PC. It's 12am already when mum & dad gets ready for bed. I'm tired and sleepy. I go in to sleep. That's the routine everyday. Even on weekends. It's not that I don't want to talk. It's because we seldom meet at the right time.

But I do wish to talk. But time's a mess. And you know how it is when you get older you drift apart, it's more difficult to talk to the 'rents about boys, love, school, sex, etc. You're afraid they don't see things like you do. That they won't understand. And that they just become paranoid and overprotective. And it gets embarrassing at times talking to them about boys. I really admire parent-child relationships where they can talk openly. I really envy them.

Sometimes I think my mum is a tad overprotective and paranoid. She doesn't let me do some things. But I've a head. I think straight. I'm basically the best daughter! I think they still see me as their precious baby girl. But without facing things head on, how do we build up our life experiences? How do we learn? She should trust me more. With trust comes great responsibility, I know. I'm turning 17 soon and I'm ready to take it on. Sometimes I think my mum is a little biased towards my brother. She sits with him when he has dinner late at night, but not for me. She doesn't get mad at him like she does at me when we do something wrong. She relaxes some houserules for him but not for me. But I know she loves us both all the same. I just become a jealous little sister sometimes.

I miss those times when I was much younger. We would have little excursions to different parts of Singapore. That was a long time ago. Hell! Now we don't even go to Causeway Point as a family that often. We're all "busy" people, I guess. I know they've made sacrifices and I appreciate them v v much. My 'rents are old. My bro & I should be supporting them by now. But it hasn't happened yet unfortunately.

I've changed. I'm not the little girl anymore. I don't talk much. I don't give kisses. I grew up to be somewhat an introvert? I want to talk, but I don't know how or what to say. &fuck tomorrow's Fathers' Day and I'd prolly be keeping quiet about it. Because I just can't let go of the awkwardness in this father-daughter relationship. But I love you dad. I do. Thanks for everything.

My entry from some time ago:

LISTEN
Spoken but not understood
You allow yourself to be deaf
only because you are indifferent
to my wants, to my needs
I yearn to tell you my life-story
the drama that unfolds every day
For I am your child,
and you are my guardian
You say I don't talk much
but, alas you just shut yourself from me

Do you know I cry inside?

Breathe out. I'm still alive. By now my tears are all dried up. I had little emo spills in between typing. My head fucken hurts. Sorry for being an emofuck. But you should think about it too.

prof.

2005-06-17T21:02:00.000+08:00

On thursday, all MMC students had to dress as if we were going for a job interview. It was for Fundamentals for Creative Professionals module. The name may sound elaborate and fancy, but trust me it just a series of talks and such. So yeah, our assignment was to play dress up. Seriously. We were graded for how we dress up. I, being quite the slacker, wore a black shirt, brown THilfiger skirt and chucks to school. WAHAHAHAH. But don't worry, changed into kitten heels at the official photograph sesh.

& I had Drawing Fundamentals in the morning. Everyone's finished animal drawing was an eye-popper. They were really pieces of art. Talented bunch of people, I tell you, my classmates. I drew a kitten and I'm proud of my work. HEE~

Took some photos with Nad's 6660?

KC, the epitome of an artist: cute, quiet and draws well. Class babyface. SO CUTE!!! Wahahah. & if you haven't noticed (poke your eyes to see if they're fine), NEW LAYOUT!!! GUESS WHO?! I wish I really had a shirt with that line: MyLostCause. Heh. Eee emo. Ouh ya, who can help me design my other plain all-black chucks? :/

chaAAA

2005-06-14T21:33:00.000+08:00

Ay. What happened to my cbox?!

I learnt basic kickboxing moves in Aerobics class today. More relaxed today than usual. HAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYAKKKKKKKKKK.

CATS class was boring. No good jokes/topics said in class today. Only those girls and boys at the back were making a ruckus by their stupid comments. They think they're jokes/sarcasm are funny. Actually it's just annoying. I was like "SHUT UP ALREADY!" in my head. I rather enjoy silence. Hurhur. I feel like doing the Alternative Assignment (AA) for CATS. Photography contest organised by Great Eastern Life. Tagline: Life is Great! 1st prize: $10,000! That's what my lecturer gave us as an option for our 2nd graded project. Only downside- this AA's deadline is 30th June. ~2 more weeks. Someone quickly lend me a good digicam please. Or let me use you as my model. Haiyah...

Ouh. I think I'm infatuated with the IT guy in skateshoes. He's the one with the nice big hair I'd love to run my fingers through. Heh. Drooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool.

Hooray.

2005-06-13T10:50:00.000+08:00

Yesterday,

I met 3 boys in the morning- Naza, Taufik & Zaini. 2 were late because they had to pack a CPU. The latter I met at Woodlands Control Station. We were supposed to go SIM LIM SQUARE to get the crappy CPU fixed. LOL. & we got on bus 961 only to find out it was a looooooooooong boring ride to City Hall. We didn't know where to stop and we kept on going to Kallang MRT station to take the damn train to Bugis station. All the while in the bus I was sitting with Zaini listening to his new, and v cool Creative Zen Micro MP3 player, and the other two were behind us. Poor Zaini. He was the one we rarely met and there his 2 best friends were yakking behind leaving him out. They should've talked more to Zaini than to each other. & I didn't even see them wishing him a belated birthday to his face. Even Faiz feels sad for him. HAH. Don't do that again larr k... I talked to Zaini abit through typing short messages on his phone because we didn't want the guy behind to hear our conversation. Hmm... pandai2 ar why...

& funny thing, after I left those 3 for Orchard to meet Faiz, Yusri & Farah, we headed to Nadirah's birthday-BBQ party at East Coast. & Faiz suggested that he be my boyfriend for that night. Because he feels he "tak malu" going to the party to eat. So set. We hooked our pinkies. That poor oblivious Nadirah really thought Mr. "Daniel"-Faiz was my bf and that he was chinese! AHAHAHAH. Hilarious faking it.

Saw some old BPS mates... Suriana, Maziah, Fitri, Rima, Khairuddin and Hisham. AHAHA they're sooooo different. HISHAM. woot. No, no Harith. Sad ):

Fazli, Syed, Sherry and HEMING was there. They were okay. Sombong, but ok :/

All in all. Fun. Excitement. & boredom. All in a day. At least I had a "boyfriend" for one day. But ouh, I broke it off with Daniel in the cab on the way home. AHAHAHAHAH. LOVE YOU FIZZODIDO! Took some photos, will post them soon aight.

& hey, Hisham messaged me last night. ;P

photoupdatelar.

2005-06-08T21:57:00.000+08:00

Hello. Those who remembered will know that I had Digital Photomedia class today. & WE get to hold a camera- the CANON Powershot C6! It's superb. I like it alot. Help me figure out a way to steal it out from the IT Resource Centre. AHAHAHAHA.

YEAH. & what do we do?

TAKE TONS OF PHOTOGRAPHS!!!!!!!!

Most not really related to the project for that day. I doubt we'd get good grades/remarks for that. AHAHAHA. One group photo:

& MORE! (:

Going back home was fun. Mr. Alipo was there- the talkative one. Mr. Know-it-all. Alip, Alip... Full of bullcrap, him. AHAHAHA. Fun tho'. Didn't go meet my CATS module group after school- Mariani, Jing Yi & Elfi. I hope they're not mad... :/

I spy with my eye a cute Skater guy ;P

CATSclass.

2005-06-07T22:44:00.000+08:00

My CATS lecturer said today:

"In America if you're 17 and never been kissed, something's wrong with you."

Confession: I've never been frenched. Is there something wrong with me? WAHAHAHAHA.
But seriously, it all depends on culture isn't it?

He added:

"In Frankfurt, it's easy to know a Singaporean or Malaysian tourist-
they go EEEEEEEEE when they pass a shop window of one of the many sex shops there.
But their eyes would still be fixed on what's on display."

YEAH. I doubt I'll be like one of them. I'm all about SEX! Hurhur. I mean, I can talk of sex freely and openly, it needn't be a hush-hush affair. I see sex as a natural process. Just like breathing or eating. It's not taboo or anything like that to me. But things like prostitution and pre-marital sex, I'm still against them. Sorry.

"They want but they don't want. They don't want but they want."

What a serious case of inflexibility, we Asians have. We're too narrow-minded and happy in our own comfort zone. We don't easily accept ideas or entertain external influences. At least the older and more conservative generation don't. I'm glad the new generation's becoming more outspoken and easy-going. BUT we still shouldn't readily trade influences for our beliefs. Please THINK before you act.

For example, I may accept the idea of gays or same-sex relationships in our community, but that don't mean I also accept it with regard to people of my religion. I'm a Muslim. Islam deems it a sin to have same-sex relationships. I believe in God. I follow (most of the time, heh) the teachings of Islam. If I know of "so-called" Muslims engaged in same-sex relationships, I won't be a hypocrite and say I'm alright with that because I'm not! & I'd prolly stay away! WHEREAS, if a member of another religious group or a "free-thinker" is in the same situation... & he/she believes they're doing the right thing, then I wouldn't mind! Because I don't know much about their spiritual side. And if they're happy, I'm happy FOR them!

My point is...

The mindset is mostly influenced by culture & teachings. We must learn to accept and filter new ideas so that we know which can help us. A mind s t r e t c h e d does not return to it's original position. HAH. THAT'S MY CREATIVE & APPLIED THINKING SKILLS CLASS FOR YOU TODAY! Okthankyougoodbye.

nolove.

2005-06-06T23:03:00.000+08:00

Just hung out with Taufik today. During lunch & to go home.
Everybody else went back earlier.
Bummer.

Hung out with Rain and we talked while waiting for Taufik to finish class.
Nad had to go home first.
4 idiotic guys kept looking & waving from the library.
Don't know whether they're cute because it was quite a distance away.
HAHAH ;P

Messaged Zaini. It's his birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hmm...

Went home and did some FREAKDESIGNS for Taufik. Making a deal with him. I design his tees, he obeys me forever. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. LALALALA. The most is he pays me. The least is, I just do it for him free. It's your birthday soon anyway, freak. I'll update if it all works out.

I think I'll start a design company. WAHAHAHA.
I'm starting to resent Tuesdays. CATS and S&W? Yucks.

This entry is actually just to "entertain" Farah. It may contain fiction or non-fictional materials.

variety.

2005-06-03T20:51:00.000+08:00

I did go to the ICT Variety Show 2005.
I did go onstage.

Only 10 people in my class, 1M02, showed up. The rest cabut. I should have too. But I pitied them. I pitied their pathethic piece of song/dance/cheer that they wanted to perform onstage. The YMCA. I swear I had nothing to do with it! I didn't even know we were performing the YMCA because I cabut too when we were supposed to be discussing about it. So...

I sacrificed for my class and embarassed myself on stage. But we all need to learn to laugh at ourselves once in a while. Phew~ nevertheless I'm sure glad it's over! Tell me I'm brave peeps... aku tak kecut dok! Ahahaha.

Only about 3 cuties of ICT. All from the IT side. One chinese, two malays. Mr. Cute-butt-shaking, Mr. Rap-Rhyming and Mr. "i-like-to-move-it-move-it". Damn. Mr. "i-like-2-move-it-move-it" spoke to me. Woowee~ ahahahah. No joke. Okayi'vesaidtoomuchnow. Okthxbye.

[EDIT] Wishing friends, Dearest Nur "Fish" Hafiszah, Nadirah and Jehan a happy Happy Birthday! Come chase me for your gifts.[/EDIT]

suckii

2005-06-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

OMgoodness CATS module sucks big time. My teammates are also abit uncooperative. Here I am brainstorming 30 ideas for an artifact and the rest are either too lazy, too blur or too busy. Haiyah. No way am I doing all 30 ideas. If one goes down, everybody sinks with me. Hurhur. Not doing favours for these group of people. I'm mean that way. I'm not one to be pushed around. But for my mentor group perhaps I'd give in. People like Rain, Nad, Jit, Jun Wei, Ryan I'm willing to sacrifice for. Because we're tight! & I love them. HAHAHAH. But still. Maybe I'm skipping Variety Night tomorrow. I DON'T WANNA GO ONSTAGE! Heheh.

Back to the CATS module, I have homework. HOME-FUCKEN-WORK. An activity sheet due on Monday. How high-school when we're supposed to be at the Institute of Higher Learning! AHAHA. I know, i know, I'm just making excuses for my laziness. Learnt still-life drawing and shadings in Drawing Fundamentals class just now. I really feel like an Art student. How cool. HAHAHAHAR.

Okla have to sleep or else I'll miss the bus tomorrow. I can never reach school before 8.50AM. The bus is always jam-packed and slow. I'm always almost late. Let that hopefully be always an almost. Goodnight darlings!

photography

2005-06-01T20:59:00.000+08:00

Eheheh. Today I learnt that I'll get to hold and use an actual SLR camera for photography in my Digital Photomedia class! It's starting from next week! & I won't be sitting in class all day. I get to go on field trips to capture photos. Now ain't that fun?

Rain, Nad & I had our own photo-taking session in class just now using Nad's Nokia 6660 and we infrared the photos to my notebook.

Wah. Met Yusri and Fizzodido today. Faiz cut his hair. & slumber-ly passed me a library book without saying anything. He expects me to return it for him. How typically a-holic of him. LOL but i do miss his nonsense. I miss Zaini too.

Anyway Hairul (remember this guy BAR? Hairul's his real effing name!) says he's gonna return the favour. I wonder how. He took my pizza and ran away the other time. Harhar. Actually I was the one who ran away lar. Because it was almost 12AM that night after work at Pizza Hut and I can't be seen with a guy THAT LATE right! So I just passed him a Reg Lovers' Splitzza at my 901 bus-stop and went home. Hurhur. He lives right in front of that stop! So effing near!

It's the GSS. I NEED TO GO SHOPPING GIRLS! but no moolah, how?! ):

Anyway Taufik's having his Star-rank retest. Good luck to you, Bro! Hahaha.

MEN.

2005-05-31T20:25:00.000+08:00

Boys lie because he says he's not attracted to her when the fact is HE COULDN'T GET HER.
Boys lie because one day they say you're special and a week later, with a sarcastic tone in his voice, "YOU? SPECIAL?"
Boys lie because one day they say, "I can't bear the thought of losing you" and the next, acts indifferent to you.
Boys lie because one day he acts all gentlemanly, giving up seats, showing concern for you, and on another, just lets you be.

Why do boys lie? Why do boys contradict themselves? Why do boys just put up an act? Why can't they ever be near to perfection? Why aren't they the epitome of our "knights-in-shining-armour"?

My IS C.A.T.S. lecturer said to the class just now: ALL MEN (gender, not kind) ARE PERFECT.
The lecturer (obviously a man) added:
MEN don't make mistakes, they make errors. (Like whatever?! It's the bloody same thing!) MEN don't gossip, they discuss.

Well, and I said: BAH-HUM-BUG! WHAT UTTER BULLCRAP! Sexist lecturer. Hurhur.

BOYS&MEN, lemme see how you can defend yourself (when almost all my readers are of the fairer [& more humble] sex)!

another h-im entry.

2005-05-29T15:00:00.000+08:00

Today is the day I stay at home. I haven't been doing that for a long time now. Not ever since I met Fizzo and gang and they always had these meetings "tergempar" almost everyday. So it's kinda strange sitting at home. I have almost nothing to do! No homework whatsoever. But well, this luckyass has her very own laptop so to cyberspace I go! & the Snoop Dogg is on the home pc. So it works! Nobody has to fight over it anymore. And we have all the time in the world to be online. Now I wanna talk about the guy who fills my subconcious mind (everybody go NOT AGGAAAIIIINNN!). Anak Encik Yusof.

He has eyes of brown of the richest flavour.

Tight curls-

like the macaroni in the microwave oven.

He wears green like the thing from outerspace.

Stripes across his chest where his heart beats-

d u m d e e d u m.

Wicked smile-

plastered above his perfectly squared jaw.

A board in hand, and skateshoes-

too big for my feet.

He's around somewhere.

Just not here.

I'm still dreaming of my perfect meeting with the Tom Penny look-alike.

new again.

2005-05-28T23:41:00.000+08:00

Newlayoutdoofus'. I'm a narcissist. Deal with it.

MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME.

Today, everything will be about me. Because all of you suck. Hurhur. Nah, kidding. I love my readers. Whether they suck or not. Iwuvyouveryverythedamnmuch.

I went to get my design class supplies by my own damn self today. Survived. -Claps hands- I'm so proud of myself. HAHAHA. What utter bullcrap. I'm just wasting my time writing this. Not forgetting wasting the server's space. AHAHAH. But I like I said, today's all about me. I don't care about anyone else. But wait. I do care. I careeeee. I careeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. DO YOU KNOW I CARE?! #$%^&*! That's supposed to be profanities. But I can't think of a good one right now. WTeff am I doing? LALALALALA. Ok thanks for reading till here. You're the best. Okthanksgoodbye.

drift.

2005-05-26T20:55:00.000+08:00

I can already feel everyone drifting away... School has started for NP, TP and prolly SP (don't know, mostly don't care). NYP's turn coming up this 30th. Everybody would be busy busy busy! & the meetups we almost everyday have would be a thing of the past. Fizzo's got a new girl Violet. He's prolly occupied with her. I'm kinda on the fence about that. Happy for him; but not too happy. ??? Zai is the type when nobody calls him, he'll just stay silent that way. Yusri? He's just occupied with Farah mostly. Hurhur. Taufik and Naza are still around tho'. Not forgetting the new guy in the group- Mr. cute "Ricky Martin" Hanafi. But it's not the same. I prefer it when the whole group is present. The kecohness. I'm missing it already... & to think I've known them for less than half-a-year and I'm that attached. Poopooh.

& most of all i'm missing my 2 besties Izzai and Fish.

WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?

heyhey.
On a brighter note, I have 2 new good friends RAIN AND NAD. They're different. But they can never replace. Just new memories for me to make I guess. & I'm skipping tomorrow's campfire with them! AHAHAHA.

new term.

2005-05-24T20:38:00.000+08:00

So I survived the first day of school in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Started my I.S. class on Creative and Applied Thinking Skills (CATS) a few minutes late. The lecturer was a funny man. Slenge and all but definitely highly intellectual. Our first project for CATS is to design an artefact. & we have to get into groups to do that. Ermm yeah. Wonder how to go about doing that. I only have 2 numbers from my class. After 2 hours of CATS, the next class was Sports and Wellness. I had to climb hills to get to the lecture theatre. And figure this, I got my ass stuck in Aerobics class. AHAHAH. Aerobics. Oklaa fine. Whatever. At least Nadiyah is there. She's gonna be my new good friend. I hope. AHAHAH. Dengan tak tau malu nyer...

After class I went to meet Taufik first since Farah was still being briefed about Tennis class (she got the rich-people sport & i got what? AEROBICS?!). Walked back downhill to the main "happening" area. Library/Co-op. My golly gosh a revelation: there IS some cute guys. And there I was thinking that our Taufik is the cutest babyface there. But many won him hands down. AHAHAHA. Don't worry bestbud, I still love you. Saw Aishah the peppcheeks. -shakes head- Ahaha. Naza was still a pain in the ass. I/We can't look at him and not shoot sarcasm or tease him. O_O heh. I'm mean, I know. Deal with it.

Ouh yeah. Did I tell you my new baby's so damn fine??? Whoa. How hot is TM3002WTCi? Very. HAHAHAH. I loikess.

Yeah loves, photos are up.

home again.

2005-05-23T13:13:00.000+08:00

Party came and went.
Funn-ness. Annoyance. Existential Carousel.
Aishah "bubble-d" us. Hurhur watch out peppcheeks.
Confession session happened. Shitkazoids.
He better have keep his mouth s-h-u-t.
Going home was a heart/break.
In more ways than one.

Photos will be made available soon. Hang on.

3:15

2005-05-15T18:52:00.000+08:00

Wahlau... i'm finally out of Pizza Hut. Even on my last day of work I skipped going. Really, I am so irresponsible. HAHAHAH. I love my life now. I'm so happy to be out of there. Wooooweeeee~

This afternoon the whole fam went to a jemputan at Bukit Batok. Dunnowhat my father's uncle's granddaughter or something getting married. I met one of my step-brother, Hisham, after a long time. And his mum (my dad's ex-wife). They were friendly-friendly. His mum even shed a tear recalling of old forgotten times. Quite a funny sight actually. Forgive me dad's ex-wife. My other step-bro, Raimy, was home asleep. He's the one who looks almost like my snoop doggy dog brother that you all know. HAHAHAH. Ilovehimtho.

My love life is still pending. I still prefer singledom. Or is it I prefer cuter guys that I cannot have? Heehee. And he looked soooo fine... wtf am i talking about?! Oh, I watched The Amityville(sp?) Horror with 4 guys and a girl on Saturday. Not very scary just in-your-face-shocking parts. You know, BOO! -quiet- BOO! parts. Yeah... you get my drift...

The party is still on peeps: HTTP://FIZZO-PARTY.BLOGSPOT.COM
And members, meeting tomorrow Monday. Time and place not confirmed yet but would prolly be as usual ;P

FIZZO PARTY 2005

2005-05-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

ATTENTION PEOPLE!

GO SEE!

HTTP://FIZZO-PARTY.BLOGSPOT.COM

AND BE THERE!

BRING YOUR FRIENDS! ANYONE YOU KNOW!

MUCH <3

happii

2005-05-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

WAHAHAHAHA.

I know something.

But I'll not tell.

WAHAHAHAHAH.

okthatwasdumb.

happy <3

neww...

2005-05-01T13:43:00.000+08:00

One movie: COACH CARTER
One day: Saturday, 30 May
Six people: Faiz, Dayana, Yusri, Farah, Zaini & I

funnn time. awkward at times.

& oh yeah, him & I?

IT'S NOT

HAPPENING.

lalalala... NEW LAYOUT! & Happy Labour Day!

gang bang.

2005-04-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

I got an overdose of testosterones today. I see all of their egos and their lust for the fairer sex and Taufik's bum... Boys. Eww. Harhar kidding. No offence, boys. Went to Sentosa again today with the usual peeps- Faiz, Taufik, Zaini, Yusri, Naza and Farah, and Faiz's Friendster chum, Rozana. She's a nice girl.

Because pictures are worth a thousand words.

It was pretty fun. As always with all of them. I love those boys! I love Farah too! I OFFICIALLY DECLARE THAT I MISS HER ONLINE POSTS!

narcissist.

2005-04-21T12:41:00.000+08:00

NARCISSISM

(in PH uniform no doubt)

ai <3 eu

(mirta suke step emo mood)

ashiiiieeeeee

2005-04-14T20:57:00.000+08:00

Started of my day by being late to meet Naz. At least I thought I was late because my alarm was set to 6.45am but I only woke up at 8am after my appointment alarm rang. Guess what? We were supposed to meet at 8.30am at the Marsiling station! I hurried myself but alas! he only woke up when I messaged him at 8am to tell him to meet at 9am. Even then, I was late for 20mins. How typical. Hurhur.

We made our way to Ngee Ann Poly to hand in our matriculation forms. Didn't see alot of familir faces... just Dajin (exchanged smiles) and this girl from my primary school. I think her name was Fitri or Aini or something (smiled too). No cute guys tho'... lol. Wondering what type of people I'll meet there in my Multimedia Computing course. ;P

We headed to AMK after that to have lunch and watch Guess Who?. The one with Ashton 'THE KUTCH' Kutcher? Woo. He's hot. HAWT. HAWT. HAWT. Cute too, Haha. After that we picked Taufik and Farah up from work. Faiz and Yusri were also around.

They went to play pool. Went to the library. Faiz borrowed some books. Went out of civic and sat around there for a while -the 6 of us. That's when I started meeting alot of familiar people- Safary (whom all 6 know from diff. times in our lives), Fahmie, Shariffah, Aisah and Suhaily. It was fun. Seeing them, I mean.

Checking out laptops tomorrow.

jumble.

2005-04-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

You know what?

The day after those mushy sms-es, he was awkward around me. And the awkwardness affected me somehow. Ermm what I can simply put is, He stayed away.

BUT...

We're fine now!!!!!! I couldn't stand the awkwardness. Even Faiz and Farah could feel it. & they talked some sense into that stubborn head of his. Thank god for friends ay.

Today I lied. I lied to skip work. I lied so I can go for my Vision test. I lied so I can go eat instant noodles with Farah, Yusri, Taufik and Naz on the floor of 7-eleven. I lied so I can go to Fuchun CC and be with him. Harhar. I lied. Forgive me.

I got my enrolment package to Ngee Ann Poly! My matriculation day is on Thursday 10am-12pm. Anybody else?

AND!!! +NEW NOTEBOOK HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!

mushy fucks.

2005-04-08T13:19:00.000+08:00

Okay to all my lovely fucks (don't worry, that's an affectionate term. ahaha!) i.e. Aznie Bunnie, Farna & my Kakak Suzie & prolly all of you who are wondering too; let me make it clear. "He wants me but don't WANT me (read 31/03)" means he wants to be with me but he doesn't want to spoil me i.e. my body. As in S.E.X. because we were on that topic that day. Yeah... so do you get it now? Hurhur.

We're having some problems now. Last night we were being emotional fucks through sms-es because he wasn't in the mood to talk on the phone. I kinda said some upsetting stuff when I know he was going through a rough night already. I blame myself. But the truth always hurt. I'm worried about him. This is prolly the utmost reason why I don't get myself into emotional c r a p. I hate disappointing people. I hate having people disappointed with me.

ihateihateihate.

But I was talking to Izzai last night. She lent me a listening ear and advised me. She said, "Mirta, really. I think you should give it a try. We (fish & her) see that both of you can really work out. The chemistry is there."

idunnobestfriend. ireallydunno.

Right now I'm just giving him time to sort himself out. To cool down. I hope he doesn't think I don't care. Because I do. So very damn much.

up!

2005-04-05T12:04:00.000+08:00

Yay. New layout is up. It isn't fabulous. But I like it. Because Adam Brody is so friggin fuckable. HAHAHA. I have nothing against Rachel Bilson okay eventhough I went to "tape over" her eyes. LOL. So comment comment people.

The Sentosa-Pahlawan Beach trip was okay. Didn't really have the mood at first. But had fun in the end. PMS prolly.Yusri finally advanced to a higher level. Like, FINALLY! Right Farah? HAHAHA I think Farah's going to have a clear head from now on... HEHEH ;P Faiz brought his girl-friend, Ina. Looks like Kelly. & she's nice. Like Kelly. HAHA weird.

Four of us, Farah, Fish, Izzai & I were finally together last night. But only for a short time. We went home together after work. Haiyoh... miss the times when we're ALWAYS together. Wonder what'll happen after school starts.

Ok the boys have jobs already. Somewhere over the rainbow (nah, just Redhill LOL) sticking price tags on stuff. HAHAHA. Thank god. Rather than sitting around wasting away playing pool and video games everyday, I rather see Naza work and get MOOLAH so he can buy me stuff. HAHAHA kidding yeah. You know me, I'm not like that (:

And to Taufik pancakeboy. Thanks for the Bubble tea eventhough mine had no pearls! :/

PS: Please people. Don't put corrupted music or whatever shit on your blogs. It's a pain to me & my PC. Thanks ya. HAHAR <3

new layout soon

2005-04-02T00:39:00.000+08:00

New layout coming up for the month, April.
But coding sucks, so i'm procrastinating.
Keep on coming back yeah (:

yeye

2005-03-31T00:45:00.000+08:00

He picked me up from work today, walked all the way from CWP to my home, sent me to my floor. & he bought me Strepsils. I'm happy.

BUT!!!!!!!!!

He confessed something I kinda knew a long time ago but sorta wouldn't believe. And he asked why I didn't mind. I replied, "Because I like you so damn much. I'm willing to forgive and forget." Something like that lar. He says he wants me but don't WANT me. Go figure. After I said that, he said he doesn't want to lose me because I'm really too good. HAHA too good for him perhaps. Ooops.

Whahh... actually I'm really okay. Not really pleased. But I'll be alright. Haiyah. WTF.

3 things

2005-03-30T09:38:00.000+08:00

3 Things To Remember.

Don't be a shameless B I T C H.
Don't take your friends for granted.
No consent, no deal.

Fuck off now.

24/03/05

2005-03-25T13:19:00.000+08:00

Yesterday (or this morning) was crazyyyy.

I started off yesterday accompanying Izzai to Temasek Polytechnic so she can appeal. And I saw that the cut-off-points (COP) for Visual Communications was 13. A DAMNED UNLUCKY 13. Yes, if you MUST know, I'm got into Multimedia Computing at NP and I'm staying there. Anybody else?

Yeah. That wasn't the crazy part. After that we met Farah & Mohd at Toa Payoh and we headed back to Woodlands since Farah had to go for class. So Mohd & I sat under Farah's aunt's block. Talked while we waited for half-an-hour. After which Farah FINALLY came down and off we went to Swensen's. Makan makan. Farah paid. THANKS BABE! <3

After dinner, we went up to the pool place to meet Naz & Zaini. Pool. I get tired watching. After a while Taufik and Yusri joined us. But we left soon after because it was 11pm and all of us excluding Zaini had to go to our Pizza Hut meeting that starts at 11.45pm. WAIT WAIT. Hold that. Let's just exclude Naz and Yusri there as well. Because apparently THEY REALLY GOT SACKED. After they said they couldn't make it for work today. They had entered the restaurant and sat down. But Junaidi came up to them and quite aloud he said: "Kelvin says both of you do not need to attend."

FIRST AND FOREMOST. KELVIN HAS NO BALLS TO SAY THAT TO THEIR FACES.

After hearing that, Naz and Yusri got up and left. Naz angrily. And that dear boy Yusri still had time to salam his uncle Junaidi. Yusri is fucking strong. He's got problems after problems. Still he looks fine. On the outside at least. I feel for him. And Naz too.

Kelvin started the meeting late. 12.15am. And the crap he talked was the same like the last meeting. What a waste of time. It ended at around 1am. Farah & I were gonna take a cab home with Nurul...

But... here comes the crazy part now...

TAUFIK, YUSRI, NAZ, FARAH & I WALKED FROM ANG MO KIO TO KHATIB.

That's what? Across roads, highways and all? I think we would have walked all the way home to Woodlands if not for Farah's bladder wanting to burst. LOL. So 5 of us squeezed into a cab. We're lucky the cab driver took us at all. I reached home at about 3am.

I didn't feel tired one bit with him holding my hand. I'm gonna miss him not working there. WAHHHH...... DON'T BE A BABY, ZANNA!
I FUCKING ADORE HIM.

get H I T C H-ed.

2005-03-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

Went on a movie date with Naz. We watched Hitch at Suntec City Mall. Both of us never watched a movie at Suntec before so we decided to go there. So it would be special for us. LOL can you believe the poor guy has never stepped in Suntec City before? Haha.

We took a long 961 bus ride from Woodlands to Raffles Avenue. Wahlau... he kept flirting with me in the bus. All I can say is "Tempted to Touch". And it's not I. Hmm...

Yeah, Hitch was hilarious. Will Smith IS tall, dark and handsome. And funny. I guess you all already know that huh. I coughed a few times in the theatre. It's fortunate no one kicked me out or cussed me. And it would have happened if not for the Strepsils he bought me before we met this afternoon. How thoughtful...

After that he wanted to get slippers because he has only one good one. So I brought him to Flash'n'splash @ Citylink and he chose out a REEF one. Oh yar... speaking of REEF, it's been ages since I wore my school-skate shoe. Miss it lar. Must wear it soon. HAHA giler.

I introduced him to my other best friend Hafiszah/Fish over at her workplace. Heheh. So cute. And Izzai a second time. Her face was tense and the reason she gave: Ngantok laa... So funny.

We took the bus back home too. He slept and woke up a few times on the bus. And I was just emo-ing whilst listening to his mp3 player. It was playing MY SONGS. I mean, the songs that I recommended him. (: Ahahaha... & Nuf(y) Ideal and friend boarded the bus. They were going home from school I guess since they were in uniform. Fuuyoh... TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME number two. Hah. Quite happy to see he's doing well. I think. Is he? Guess I'll never know because WE NEVER TALK ANYMORE! Why is that?! :(

funnnnnnnnnny

2005-03-20T13:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was funny.

I was working my ass off with a terrible cough and a what-everyone-said-was-a Manly voice. Only He said it was sexy and it turned him on. HAHAHA like I can believe that. Everybody was laughing everytime I tried to talk and all that came out were air, germs and annoying sounds ie. coughs. I swear I felt like I was gonna choke there and die on the spot. Nathan kept on making fun of my voice. What goes around comes around. He'll get his deserts soon. I saw him start to cough a little last night. All hail my mighty germs. The service staff was nice. Aini, Aishah and Azura helped me take orders. And Nethiya just advised me to suck some throaties (candy that soothes the throat) and drink warm water. Thanks yeah all.

& I thought she (not Nethiya) was just a mind-her-own-business person.

Ahahaha. Can't believe myself. I can't believe that I manja-manja with him when I arrived at work yesterday. I can't believe I did that in front of the girls- Pei Hua, Whitney and ...?
Ahahaha I'm really fucked up. But I missed him laa...

Yes. Yesterday was strange-funny.
& today? I'm free from all the teasing because I having my day OFF!

NOTE: Hey colleagues, let's pray for Nunu that her Gramps will be alright k. Bless them.

sore

2005-03-17T22:03:00.000+08:00

ARGHH. My throat is fucking sore. When I laugh, a bad cough will follow after, and I will sound like I'm having an asthma attack. LOL. I did cashiering today. At one point, my voice turned husky and low. Alamak. Sexy larr. I swore the customers looked at me strange when I was taking orders with that voice. HAHA I got tipped 4 bucks by a nice American. He said to Nathan we have nice staff at AMKJ Pizza Hut. NICE STAFF=MOI. Hee~

He's (not the American ;P) nice. I ~~like~~ adore him. Help me.

SOMEONE LOVE ME AND BUY ME NIM JOM PEI PA KAU COUGH SYRUP. LOL Is that even the right way to spell it?

Haphazard

2005-03-16T13:22:00.000+08:00

Note: Nothing much laa Dee for me to update. Heh.

I'm avoiding some people.
I feel bad.
I'm interested in some
I'm worried.

I'm feeling so h aph a za r d.

I need to clear my head.

ex-ses

2005-03-11T23:35:00.000+08:00

Whoa... change of plans. Supposed to have met Randy and friends for pool today but I didn't go. INSTEAD I went to meet Nadirah and Saedah! I miss SAEDAH so much. She's SO PRETTY LAR. Before we met Saedah, Nadirah and I went to meet Naz and Zaini at CWP's Pool hall. Saedah came later in her school uniform so I had to borrow Zaini's expensive vintage army jacket to let Saedah put on before she can enter. Sigh... talked about boy stuff with the two girls. Then Nadirah treated us for lunch(?) at LJS's. THANKS BABE. ilu!

After everything, Nadirah & Saedah had to go home. Zaini also went back because he didn't want to be a lamp post. HAHAHA he's so baby cute. Naz and I then walked aimlessly nowhere. He saw his ex at KFC and ran off. HAHAHA. In the end we went over to block 300+ behind Woodlands Civic Centre and sat there talking. TALK TALK TALK TALK. Wahlau he was asking these tough questions I was embarassed to answer. Talked about virginity and stuff. It was hilarious. Fun even. To talk to him. OMG PEOPLE FROM ADP! His other ex was HETTY. THAT TENGKU HETTY SAL-TOOT-. Haha, go figure!

He confessed! He finally said it straight to my face that he likes me. But Naz also said that he loves me. That was online. OMFG. NOT HAPPENING.

hopeless

2005-03-10T23:19:00.000+08:00

ehh. Betul lar. I'm not really serious with anyone now. I'm not, in the words of Miss Vlock, giler-ing after anyone. I'm just making friends and trying to get to know them better. I'm not denying that I may fall in love on the way but it hasn't happened. Not yet. Not now.

I'm looking at all my previous entries and it's all about this bull. Come to think of it, I'm tired laa... talking about these stuffs when I know I'm too young to be occupying myself with them. I feel I'm not up to it yet. Having relationships that is. I don't want to have to go through a break-up every now and then because I get sick of the relationship after awhile. I don't want to have someone fuss and worry about me all the time. I don't want to have to trouble someone else every other day. I don't want to see someone I care for, get hurt in the end. I hate hate! to have people disappointed. Especially if they're disappointed in me. That's why I'm sceptical about the relationships I make with people.

But sometimes, you do feel you need someone. You need someone who lets you cry on him; who takes it all in when you aren't in a good mood, who you can just talk to. I need someone who'll just tell me he cares. I have my friends to do that, I know. But everything is different. I'm sure you know how much different. That's just my wish. For someone to simply love me like that. Not difficult, I know. But the thing I'm afraid of is that I'm not like that to him. That I can't give him what he gives me. That's it. I think about others more than I think about myself huh. Some people will tell me off because of that. Sigh...

Because the thing is, I think he's still in my mind. I'm still waiting... maybe.

i ache... for u.

2005-03-10T00:30:00.000+08:00

Today finally met Randy. Alamak. Cute larr... Cute as in ugly but adorable. HAHAHA ok i know I'm mean. Okla like I said, his personality is still damn attractive. I went to accompany him for his NS medical check-up. He said it was going to be only 10 minutes but whoa... his 10 minutes was actually 1-and-a-half hour in real time. HAH bought him large hawaiian pan pizza with my staff discount coupon. Then he went back and I started work.

Started work not before seeing Naz all frust-up. I got scared when he banged on the metal divider in the Pizza Hut kitchen. Wah lau... I thought he angry at me for something. I have an idea in my head but I won't disclose it here. Sorry. And my heart ached when he looked troubled. Even more when he tak layan me... Honest. The concern I have for him just now was tremendously overwhelming. Until I felt hot and had to down 2 fever pills. Alamak. Falling for him tak? Uh-oh. Good or bad?

I think I'm coming down with something. Caught germs from some people at work perhaps. I think it was Yana's fever laa... Now my temples are throbbing. Throb, throb. Let me leave you with a song...

Counting Stars - Sugarcult
Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin
Apologize for all my sins
All the things I should have said to you
Hey, I can't make it go away
Over and over in my brain again
All the things I should have said to you

[Chorus]
Counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever meant to hurt you
I only did what I had to
Counting stars again

Hey, I'll take this day by day by day
Under the covers I'm okay I guess
Life's too short and I feel small

Counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever meant to hurt you
I only did what I had to
Counting stars again

Counting stars again <3

07/04/05

2005-03-07T21:05:00.000+08:00

Harhar. I DID get my "off" today. & because of Farah & I, our poor darling pepperoni cheeks, Aishah has to work FULL SHIFT - 12pm-10pm! Heheheh. Wo0wee~

Okay so on my day off, I went on a group date with Naz, Farah, Yusri, Taufiq and Zai. Ok so Taufiq and Zai are homosexuals dating each other, and you know the rest of the story... Haha ok no no I'm joking about the gay part. We were meeting at 11am but as usual, punctuality's not quite my style so I was late. And Farah started bitching when I arrived 23 minutes late. HEHEH okok my fault. But the guys were also equally late. So I was spared from THEIR bitching. Poor Farah...

We went to the MOE headquarters at Buona Vista because those poor guys were lagging behind on technology and had to pay for their JAE registration fees by cash. LOL no offence to those who did the same! HAHAHA. Okok after which we headed to Jurong Point to have lunch. The girls paid for the drinks. And the guys paid for our food. LALALA~ We went shopping but I didn't buy anything because I wasn't in the mood. PMS lar. But I thought that Hollister tee was nice. Wanted to grab it, but had second thoughts. & our rich girl, Farah (shalalalalala), got herself two tees at one go because YUSRI agreed that it looked good (on her). ;P

Then headed down to Jurong East Entertainment Centre for pool. Ok so I know I'm lagging but whoa, that was my virgin step into a pool hall. The environment is... so adult. HAHAHA. Naz taught me fingering although half the time I'm doing it all wrong. The stick went, but the balls stayed put. HAHAHA. It was so embarassing and so funny. But after a while, I got the hang of it, and the ball did go where it should. YAY!

Didn't play long though. Taufiq & Naz had to report to work. So off we went!

Supposed to meet Randy before 6 today. But after I hung out with my colleagues, it was almost 5. So I called Randy up to tell him not to wait for me. I think he wanted to settle his girl problems also. We were talking last night, and he seems stressed out. So I made him laugh. & he made me smile. LALALA~ I still owe him a large pizza.

SUGAR.

2005-03-05T18:57:00.000+08:00

Ayy people. New layout. Nice? Nice right... Sugarcult. But yeah, I do think it's a bit troublesome to click here click there for the tagboard. In case you don't know, there are numbers 1, 2, 3, 4 on the layout. Click them to access a "page", hover to see where the "click" will lead you. But i'm in love with the layout, bear with it for a while okay? Until I find time to do a better one.

Should I or shouldn't I? I don't know whether I should go date him tomorrow (Sunday). A lot of girls seem to be interested in him. I don't want to waste my time.

Then this son of a gun Habib keeps pestering me for a date. HAHAR. I don't mind actually if he pays for all the expenses. And if he promises not to do anything funny!

And then there's Bar or Milan Baros. Yar, AS IF. I'm still not sure of his name but he calls himself Bar. But he seems nice. But I don't really know him that well. He might be a psychopath who'll kill me after I date him! LOLx & ermm... he says he will wait until I'm ready to date him. :/ What-the-eff?

AND NAZ from work! Haiyoh... this emo-wannabe after I told him that I think emo guys dress up real cute. HARHAR. HOW? Probably going out with him & his friends from work on Monday. & FARAH DARLING! Actually, not sure if I get my "off" on that day.

I don't want a relationship now... Must wait for poly to start, get settled down, get the hang of the new school-cum-work life. Then see if too busy for boys or not. If too hectic, I think relax sua... Then just see-no-touch alot of pretty boys on campus ah. *Swoons* HAHAHA

Feeling feeling ni...

2005-03-03T21:41:00.000+08:00

Alamak. Suddenly there are people who want to date me. But I feel like I'm not interested laa... Don't want to disappoint. But also don't want to lead them on. Okla ONE, at least I'm being truthful and not returning his forwards. Because really I would hate to hurt him because he's just super nice. I DO like him. But in a buddy-buddy way. It's easy to talk to him laa... BUT STILL I don't know what I'm feeling.

Another one... also super nice. I love talking to him. I kept thinking of him when we didn't talk for 2 days or probably less than that. Only 2 days lehh... miss him already. HOW? Not as if he's super HOT but yeah, his personality... it's so damn attractive. "I get a shot right through in a bolt of blue." I just spoke to him last night for 3-and-a-half hours after I got home from work at 12am. Futhermore had to wake up at 9am for work this morning. SANGGUP! BUT STILL I don't know what I'm feeling.

Dating is just dating. To get to know people. I'm all for it. But when they start thinking otherwise that there's going to be something more after, it's going to be a little problem. Because I don't feel like having that "something more" right now. See what happens laa...

HAIYAH... new at this. Not like some people... ;P
OMG! You're right. Sounds of Peterpan are so coooooooooool.

[edit] Forgot to tell you I had my eyes checked on Monday and whoa~ they rose to 125 degrees each! Funny thing is, I can see v clearly with my old lenses about 70 degrees only. Cannot be, cannot be. But I got myself new frames & lenses! [/edit]

my application

2005-03-01T15:00:00.000+08:00

OK I've applied for the polytechnic courses. How lucky am I to be eligible for 10/12 courses that I want. So the last 2 choices are random choices which I hope I don't get. ;P If you're interested in my top 12, read on:

1 - Visual Communications (TP)

2 - Media Studies & Management (NYP)

3 - Creative Media Design (SP)

4 - Media & Communication (SP)

5 - Multimedia Computing (NP)
6 - Interactive Media Design (TP)
7 - Digital Media Design (NYP)
8 - Internet & Multimedia Development (TP)
9 - Multimedia Technology (SP)
10 - Multimedia & Infocomm Technology (NYP)

and the random stuff,
11 - Apparel Design & Merchandising (TP)
12 - New Media (RP)

I hope I get one of my top 4. But I really realleh hope I get into Visual Comm. @ TP! HAHA I think this year's trend for students of WGS is Temasek Polytechnic. Last year's was SP right...
DON'T LOOK AT ME THAT WAY.

FINALLY! RESULTS!!!!!

2005-02-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

Okayy, for everyone's info, Thanga is an Indian. He's some hip hop-wearing Indian who I "just met" on Saturday. He was from BPS and I haven't talked to him once in my life until that Saturday. So I tell you, it's crazy that he likes me.

Moving on... Let's talk about the more important stuff. MY RESULTS!!!

Ok I guess they're okay... not really surprised by it. It's like what I expected. The same as always. So I guess no change is good also laa. BUT THE THING IS ENGLISH. Lah dok, I expected an A. A2 pun jadi laa... but instead got a B3. A tad disappointing, but okla at least it's something. In all, I have only 1 A, 6 Bs and 1 C. HAHAHA you guessed it, A.MATH. Heck care about A.Math lar actually.

After getting our results, we went to Swensen's at CWP to have lunch. We were hungry from all that waiting. So yeah. Go see some photos. After that we met our Pizza Hut mate, Nazaruddin and he paid for our movie! HIDE&SEEK. Not scary at all. Actually, it's quite dull. LOL. He got the same aggregate score as I! & I accidentally brought home his WeWa! mp3 player. HAHA. Ader je lagu merepek tau... HAHA

Hmmm... I'm trying to access the JIS but seems like the server is too busy with all the other O'level dragon babies.

Randy called me today after I sms-ed him my results. He's a friendly boy lar. He talks about himself most of the time. But I don't get bored with his stories LOL. WHOA sexayy voice too tau! Haha. Ader je Mirta merepek tau... He says he wants to ask my brother out to a pool game on Saturday. Padahal tak kenal tau... Friendly larr... cute. HAHA okok i'llshuddupnow.

& I reported to my cousin too. To my KAKAK SUZIE. Ader je nak bilang orang tau... HAHA like happy like that ah that suddenly so many people concerned. Today's English teruk ah. HAHA B3 la katakan... HEH j/k ah people! <3

Rolling Good Times

2005-02-27T16:42:00.000+08:00

ehh. I just heard from Irah that Thanga likes me. MOI. Not to sound rude or anything but, MOI. He just met me one day ago and he likes me. He says it's how I speak that attracted him. Weird; I don't recall talking much to him. SIGHHHHH... Strange fellow.

Oh yeah. I talked to Hisham on the phone last night! FOR ABOUT 2 DAMN HOURS! NADIRAH don't get jealous. LOL and he's definitely not yours dawlx. He's free for all so don't tie him up aight. I might have a chance. Hahaha. Hisham... it seems funny to be able to talk to him after so many years -6 years perhaps. & I only knew him for a year. He's my playground and class mate then. Hilarious when I think back to the times I played catching or hide&seek or whatever damn thing there is with him, Hidhir and Harith. I MISS THOSE DAYS. I MISS THOSE PEOPLE. I think I still have a sticker print of us somewhere... I think some of you saw it before. Lemme go check.

Heehee yeshhh! -->

Yeah yeah that ugly innocent looking kid on the left is me. MUAHAHAHA. HOW CUTE.

(Don't worry about the guy whose face is covered by the lightbulb, he's nobody special LOL. Tak baik sehhh... ;P)

RESULTS IN ONE DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! (:

ITE Simei Open House

2005-02-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

Most of you prolly don't know I was from Bendemeer Primary (BPS) before I moved to Woodlands. I was from BPS, the same school with Nadirah from WGS. & it's in BPS where I got to know a fabulous person. Wan Ting, that's her up there. Not two ting or 3 ting. Just Wan Ting. LOL. She's such a sweetheart. Still the same person after so many years. Crazy, adorable and always in fits of laughter. After 6 long years, finally I met her again. I've been in contact with her through occasional sms-es. That was already enough for me -for her to still remember me. But meeting her was like the cherry on top of my favourite ice-cream. HAH. That's why she's still my BFF even after a long time. Now there's another thing about me you know! Heh.

Met her at her school, ITE Simei. I went there with Nadirah who was great company. She talked alot. She bitched alot. & she... -shakes head- GGGGGGGGGGG string. Hah.

Saw an old schoolmate. His name? Tangga(sp?). Haha. Stairs. ok shuddup. He wanted to snap my shag band & I replied: "I don't want YOU to do THAT." Hahah. He's okay i guess.

WENT TO KALLANG!!!! Nadirah & I sent Wan Ting home. Messaged Hisham to meet us but he called to say he was somewhere playing football. WHOA his voice. Sho SEXAYY~ HAHA. I don't think he can live without football. So okay fine. Nadirah & I went home after talking for a bit. Found out things which I couldn't possibly know if she hadn't told me. Sigh, my dear friend... I realised I plugged her 4 times! So go visit laa...!

ok yay Hisham's sms-ing me. ;P

Pain in the ass.

2005-02-24T21:07:00.000+08:00

Today was funnnnnnnnnn /sarcasm.

As usual went to work morning shift 11am-5pm. I was supposed to have met Din and Farah at 9.30am but I didn't get the message so I thought it was the earlier planned 10am. So I took my time in getting ready to go to work. Then Farah called me with her exasperated voice. Damn. Wrong time; was late. HAHA.

Saw Bee Khim on the wayyyyyyyyyyyy...

The reason for leaving for work earlier was to have our photos taken. You know, those little instant passport photos? Yeah, have a look. Hah. Retarded. The stupid ASST. Manager have pestered us for our photos since past days or weeks even. He threatened to cut our pay. LOL he's a pyscho really. So we took lar... Farah & I started work half-an-hour later. LOL but we clocked in at 10.30am before we headed to the photo shop. Heehee. Treated Farah & Din to sweets and MILK. LOL little babys having milk in the morning. Farah prolly had the runs later. ;P

Felt really insecure today. You'll prolly only know if you were in my shoes. Think harder. They made me insecure. FUCK. But I'll just close one eye, close both ears and close this mouth. Haven't I been doing this for 4 years already? Whatever. I don't care. I don't want to care.

I set myself up for THE GREATEST FALL OF ALL TIME.

Money woes!

2005-02-22T11:50:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a headache! I had to do Cashier deployment and it was my very first time handling the cash register. Earlier in the morning Nathan just briefly taught me how to use it. Enter tendered amount, if cash return change, swipe credit card, enter amount, swipe NETS card. Okay so I got it. But when the real thing happened, I was stressed out. Cash was easy, but I mixed up the credit cards i.e. Visa/Mastercard when it was supposed to be American Express. So the till did not tally. & some shitass schoolkids (from Anderson prolly) skipped paying and ran off! They ran off without paying S$18.53 including GST! I got so scared but I maintained a cool head, and a calm expression. I knew everything was going to be okay... & I did not have to replace that amount from my own pockets. And I was right! Nethiya came to my rescue... she did something she wasn't supposed to do. i think. ;P iloveher. hahaha. so that's that.

We got our pay for the month's end early. It was supposed to be today-the 22nd. But I think it was in since sunday? Ok. Cheapo job. Didn't get much. But Khaty was nice... she bought Aishah & I ROTI BOY buns, mmm nice heh. But the butter or whatever shit in it that caused it to be sweet and salty at the same time seems sinful. Can't eat it everyday or I'll get FAT. Not that I'm slim right now. Haha. Hint hint. Please me, people!

As usual went home with Naz or Naza or Din or Nazaruddin or whatever he wants people to call him with the addition of Khaty. We waited for Khaty for about half-an-hour when she just asked us to "give her a minute". LOL & as usual waited train after train for an empty one.... but in the end we still boarded a train which was jam-packed with no seats available. HAHAHA so much for wasting time.

Results out SOON!

2005-02-19T22:29:00.000+08:00

~~SHIT LAR. TYPE SO LONG. NOW ALL GONE. All because of a POP-UP. FUCK. ANGRY.~~ Ok I'll try to retype what I wrote a few minutes ago. THIS SUCKS.

Ok I went back home from the morning shift with Nazaruddin today. He was so nice. He waited for me because my Chicken Supreme wasn't ready. HAHAR. IZZUL WAS AT THE CUT STATION ;P. We went home around 5+. And I'm sure you know how the trains are at 5+pm. PACKED LIKE CANNED SARDINES! So we waited for the next train, and the next, until about 2-4 trains passed because all of them were full. We had time so we talked. We chatted about school, work and the type of girls he liked and disliked (he said it was those "wild" types like the ones in his school, Fuchun Sec, he dislikes. No offence pple from there! Heh]). Haha. He's nice lar. Not like those like-to-save-face guys who neglect the people around them. I'm not talking about anyone in particular OK. HARHAR. Ok I'll stop talking about him lest you think I'm in love with him. NEXT!

I just received an ON GOVERNMENT SERVICE letter. MOE! RESULTS OUT SOON it said. Prior to this, a few weeks before, I was actually more excited than scared to get my O'level results. But right now, with the letter in hand, my heart feels heavy and breathing feels abnormal. Short, deep breaths, you know? And having 12 choices doesn't help at all. Too much don't you think? But I think I'm fine since I have 10 rough cuts. Unless I start changing my mind at the last minute then it's a different story. And having to rank the 12 course choices by your preferences is another headache. Fortunately I have my SingPass all ready. Not like most of YOU, right? HEH ;P. Results are most probably out this coming Friday. AHHHHHHHHH! I hate knowing I'm growing older by taking another step in choosing for my tertiary. WHERE ARE THE GOOD OL' DAYS?!

All she does is hold it in; she never lets it go

2005-02-18T16:19:00.000+08:00

You see her staring hard
Into nothing but empty space
You see her with no cards
But a blank look on her face

Unlucky or just indifferent
Nobody really knows
Unworthy or just unfeeling
It never really shows

She's left with no cards
because the game is played all wrong
She has an empty cart
noone's singing her song

Who cares, who cares
She can handle it on her own
who dares who dares
you'll only make her moan

But they don't know.
All she does is hold it in; she never lets it go.

Sniff Sniff. Go figure, I'll be okay. Ahaks~

New Layout

2005-02-17T06:08:00.000+08:00

Finally got around to designing my own layout. This is number one since 9462214529429days ago. Ok, so that's just an expression. :P

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Results for the O's coming out realleh soon. Oooh oooh heading Temasek Poly tomorrow probably with Farah & Izzai. FISH has a date with *bleep bleep*. So not great.

I have to get to work later. So fucken lazy. I wanna quit serving pizzas soon and find a better job. The pay sucks and the people suck too. HARHAR. So if any of you have contacts, drop me a bomb.

My lost cause...

2005-02-14T14:34:00.000+08:00

This is a non-hair post. I will talk about the hair when I get better photos. Stay tuned. (: But for now...

Perfect songs for my not-so-perfect thoughts

Frente-Bizarre Love Triangle
Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem with mind, but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind

There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

Every time I see you falling I'll
Get down on my knees and pray;
I'm waiting for the final moment you'll
Say the words that I can't say.

Plain White T's-A Lonely September
I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own, oh

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight (one more chance tonight)
I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not gettin' me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?
Happy Valentine's Day Happy People. I hope you bleed and die. ;P

Hoping to get a good haircut

2005-02-12T14:18:00.000+08:00

Yesh. It's confirmed. I'm going for a haircut tomorrow. Either at JANTZEN or PRO TRIM; whichever is cheaper. HAH. Then I'm getting my hair dyed and highlighted by my bestie, Farah. She's a smartass. She knows everything. Yes, EVERYTHING. ;P I do hope she gets it right. I'm going for Mod or something super über but, I know haircuts don't always end in the way you want it to. Some don't even look like the ones in the photos there. So I'm going to the salon with an open mind. Hopefully the hair doesn't turn out a disaster. If I take pikchas, I'll post them up aight.

I updated my fotopages.com account with photos from my school's Graduation Night and from the Perth trip. I know it's passe but I couldn't get it up any sooner (you should know why if not, read below)! So go see.

AND yes, I love my cousin Suzlina because she plugged me. <3

Catching up & Meeting new people

2005-02-09T08:39:00.000+08:00

Hey hey. It's the second day and today I did a wee bit of catching up with old friends. Emphasis on wee bit because it was just a few lines here and there after which everyone just did their own business. And chatted with some peeps from Friendster. One asshole said I was stuck-up and arrogant because of a simple whutever that I IMed him. He said saying "whatever" was rude and what-not. Then he started talking crap about wanting to spit on my face when he sees me and shit. I tell you he's a freak. He doesn't even know me. And he doesn't even know how I put my whutever. It may have just been a gentle ok, whatever... Dumbass. Fuckhim.

Anyway, I had work today in Morning Shift. Many on MSN messenger asked me where I was working. I had the same answer to everyone: Cheapo job @ Pizza Hut AMKJ. Haha. For real. The pay is so pathetic you could cry. BUT at least we got to earn some moolah rather than rotting away using our parents' money (no offence to jobless peeps). On our first pay for 7 Feb (which we got on the 6th) Farah & I went shopping at City Hall. But we didn't get much because we didn't know what to buy. And the feeling of spending our hard earned money, woo- painful. I got some clothes that's it.

Okok Syuk's asking me to help him with his myspace.com account. What's with everyone and MySpace now? It is the "in" thing now? Heh.

Rejuvenate

2005-02-07T16:40:00.000+08:00

To all who accidentally (or not) stumbled upon this address: mylostcause.blogspot.com,

Welcome. (: It's been a dreadful 6-8 months of not being on the internet. And it's been a long wait. FINALLY I have my dearly beloved back. I felt as if in medieval times without email, blogs, HTML and gosh, IM. I bet y'all have been missing me so for these past months of absence!

And since everyone moved their blogs around, it's difficult to track past dailies and friends and whatever-nots. But I've seen a trend of using Blogspot now. That good, ay? I see the creators of Blogspot updated their interface alot since I last visited (read: almost half-a-year ago). So, I've decided to jump on the bandwagon and go use Blogspot for my new blog space! (Actually, there was something wrong with my first choice pitas.com) Heh. But nobody should know.

It's almost 1am. So let me be gone before the monsters come out. Happy to be back! ilu